(s) NOOOOOOOOOOOO! (w)

i'm not sure where i learned the art of feeling guilty for every little thing.

today's case comes in the form of being completely snowbound with no running public transportation nearby and no automobile to call my own.

i woke up this morning with very basic thoughts in my head.

"it's friday. this is good. i just need to get through the day."

"i hope the receptionist picked up a croissant with those donuts. i'm not really in a donut mood."

i didn't even think about the fact that it had taken me an excessive amount of time getting home last night after a wonderful dinner with elizabeth (happy birthday to her! i hope you like your hat! i want to see photos soon of you in it!)

speaking of the dinner, let's just tangent for a moment to talk about it...

french onion soup, steak au poivre, fresh sauteed veggies and a beautiful ending brought to you by one flourless chocolate cake with a delicate scoop of vanilla ice cream.

something about sitting at the pink pony on a snowy night in new york seemed perfect and i'm glad i was able to see elizabeth on her birthday.

so, back to the snow.

i woke up this morning and was going through the usual rituals.

i turned on the radio as i was getting dressed. there was a long list of school closings.

there was a story about a man who was killed in central park after a large branch, weighed down by snow, came crashing down on him.

then, somewhere between my lip gloss and mascara, the radio warbled about how the public transit system had decided to just stop because roads were impossibly snowy and icy.

hm.

i wasn't sure what to do...so, i continued to get ready, completely in denial of the fact that i wasn't allowed to go to work.

i took a little more time to eat breakfast and pondered the meringue'd landscape outside.

when i realized that nothing was to be done, i jumped onto my laptop, quickly informed my boss of the horrible circumstances and began working on emails.

the problem with working at home is that there are so few distractions and physical projects to deal with that you end up finishing up emails and such hours sooner than you would in the office.

then i sit around, feeling guilty, because i can't get to work and i don't have much more work to do on my laptop...so, i sit, stare out the window and wait for calls or emails to come in with bated breath.

i think i might just go outside and shoot some photographs after lunch.

this landscape is too beautiful to not get some attention...and, perhaps, i'll do a little something with my graphic design work.

yes, why not take a day to work on my own things for once.

...mind you, i'm saying this while my soul is being consumed by a fiery, unforgiving guilt that has been cultivated over decades of asian parenting, journeys of escape from low self-esteem, and a very annoying need to help others before i help myself.

speaking of helping others...

it's mum's birthday today, so i think i'll do something for her as well.

alright. off i go.