oh, captain! my captain!

so, inevitably, in the workplace, drama happens.

it's not the kind of drama one expects from sitcoms or movies.

no unexpected pregnancies, no alien life forms, no adopted children who are actually really ancient midgets...

workplace drama is the kind of drama that bubbles just below the surface like a pimple that's long overdue to surface...and sometimes it doesn't...no matter how many times you graze your finger over it in hopes that you'll be able to attack it in the evening with some satisfying results.

sometimes it remains unseen to the naked eye, but hurts everytime you smile or grimace...

soooometimes, you can't go at it because it'll just end up 10 times bigger in the morning.

...and no one...no one...is the wiser.

well, such drama has occurred here in my workplace.

blame has been pinned on me unnecessarily.

luckily (really? lucky?), it's one of those experiences that comes from the university of hard-knocks (conveniently located in the valley between cynicalberg and fed-up township, along the serene shores of the river NOES) and has allowed me to see the truth.

at work, dear reader, you have allies...and you have enemies.

now, i've always been one to help out where i can.

if there's someone new, i will be there to hold hands, build bridges and construct coliseums in the name of better work flow and happy employees.

this is why i represent the right hand o' my captain...a.k.a my boss.

i translate his socially awkward behavior...process it into heartwarming occupational gumdrops and do my best to keep everyone's head from exploding, spinning, catching on fire or any frightful combination of the three by feeding everyone these magical candies...

the thing that i failed to realize was that, as the producer of occu-drops (the work candy made from the essence of awkward needs and demands made by bosses...which sounds very much like something you would put in your eye), i haven't been able to really have any of my own!

Soooo, the lack of ingestion of occu-drops has made me susceptible to workplace drama.

...and here's what happened.

a certain someone (who shall be referred to, henceforth, as "tacky von tackerson"), decided to inform my captain that i did not give them direction on what to do about a particular something (i know. it's soooo juicy and detailed.)

balderdash(!), dear readers. these claims are flimflam.

here are problems i have with this:

• i did give ol' von tack direction early in the morning which involved her going to report to my captain.
• mistress von tack needs to do her job...i've been holding her hand since she's gotten here...and i'm fine with that...HOWEVER, once i've been betrayed, the betraying party is very quickly blacklisted and no hand holding will be provided hithertohenceforthwithstandingly.
• i have been very thoughtful and nice to frau von tack since she walked in here...even when she gave me the stink eye so many months ago after i smiled at her while she was waiting for her interview.

my captain offered to say something to her, but i told him not to...though i appreciated the thought.

there's no point in causing a scene.

...but i will say this, my much-appreciated audience, if i am crossed again, i will unleash the fury of a cerberus...with the head of a woman scorned flanked by the head of a child who dropped his ice cream cone and the head of...satan? ok. satan.

man. scary, huh?

oh, oh...and i'll have a foot made of molten lava for good measure.

just one foot though.

sooooo, yep.

that's that.

hark! i hear the chorus of a million angry harpies at sea without a sailor to feed on.

back to my occu-drop production. can't miss a beat around here or things will go up in flames.